Important Things You Should Know: Helping the Immaculate and the Messy Live Together

3 Surefire Ways to Help the Immaculate and the Messy Live Together

Spouse, college roommate, housemate, it doesn't matter the type of mate; we are all different, with our own, very independent, way of doing things. Opposite patterns of thought (even about housekeeping) can drive you crazy but they don’t have too. You see, Messy Marvin is happy. He is not bothered by his mess. On the other hand, Immaculate Emmie is happy, when the place looks like a model home. It is when this ideal state of housekeeping bliss is interrupted that challenges arise. Here are three surefire ways to help you (the immaculate or the messy) improve your living environment.

1. Get off the edge and move to the center. Whether you are an overly messy person or a neat freak both are at the far edge of the spectrum. Move from your position of extremity to a meeting point somewhere in the middle. Think of your relationship, whether espousal or roommate, as a circle of love. If too far to the left or right, you end up on the edge or outside the circle of love. People on the edge are easily frustrated and annoyed. That’s why that little sock on the floor or the dirty dishes in the sink becomes a reason to fight and lose your peace.

Make a decision that your peace of mind and your relationship are more valuable than your position on housekeeping. This is an opportunity to grow as an individual and grow together.

2. Engage in intentional conversation. Have you and your roommate sat down to an intentional conversation around domestic responsibilities and expectations? This conversation (not argument) is a must. Have this conversation during a time of PEACE not WAR. Words exchanged during the heat of battle are like grenades being launched at a target. They cause harm and destruction further hindering the goal of a tranquil living space. Set a date to come together and map out a plan you both can live with. See things from the other person’s perspective. One person’s perspective does not have the monopoly. Patience and change are necessary in both parties.

3. PLAN FOR THE GOOD not the bad and the ugly. Have you ever said something like this to yourself? “If I go in that house and those dishes are still in the sink, I am going to go off.” Or maybe this, “If he gets on me one more time about leaving my shoes out, I will throw them upside his head.” In each case the plan is for the bad and the ugly. You can turn this around. Plan for the good with thoughts like, “If I go in here and the dishes are not washed, I will either leave them and not be bothered, or I will wash them myself because they are bothering me not the other person.”

Rather than trying to change and train one another, take responsibility for personal challenges and show respect towards your housemate. Remember, you each want the same thing – to live in a peaceful environment. Get off the edge, converse with each other, plan for the good, and GO FOR THE GOAL!

Deborah Mills
DeborahJerome LLC
Revolutionary Relationship Strategist, Mentor, Keynote

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Whose House Is It Anyway?

I was with a client and she made the statement: "I didn't want to register for china when I got married, but family members told me I had to...I registered for china...I don't use it...here it sits..."  And there it was, under the shelf in a pantry, taking up space, still in the box. It was china but what it REALLY is, is someone else's expectation taking up real estate in her home.

Do you have something in a box, on a shelf, or out in the open that stares at you with guilty eyes every time you see it? You think: "I don't want you here!" But it speaks back softly and slyly,  "But Aunt Cindy/Grandma/Cousin James wants me here and until you can tell them you don't want me here then let me be, collecting dust, being ugly/unused/not working!" But I ask you - Whose house is it anyway?  Sometimes and most times than not, the person that you think will be so crushed by getting rid of that unwanted item probably doesn't even remember giving it to you, didn't want it in their house and thought they could pawn it off on you, or won't really care if you donate it/recycle it/throw it away.

Many times people who hire a Professional Organizer seek permission.  They know the answer to that burning question of what they should do with the unwanted box of china.  So I tell you what, next time you tell the box of china (or whatever it is for you) that you are serving it an eviction notice and if it gives you a sly remark back, tell it: "My Professional Organizer said SCRAM! I'm only allowed to keep what is beautiful/useful/and functional in my home and since you don't fit that description Aunt Cindy/Grandma/Cousin James can pay me rent to keep you here, otherwise ciao, baby!" Now didn't that feel good? Oh, now look! You have room in your home for something you really love.  You're welcome. ;)