Should I Keep An Unwanted Gift?

From a Professional Organizer point of view the answer is plain and simply NO! But since I'm actually human too I realize there are circumstances that could make us react otherwise or could be highly offensive if we don't keep an unwanted gift.

Gift-giving is tricky.  Some people think they are doing us a favor when in reality they are adding to the clutter in our lives because something we won't use or don't like.  

Sometimes all our clients needs is permission to do what they want to do in the first place (get rid of it). In another blog post, Whose House Is It Anyway? I give you that permission.

In this blog post, I'll try to be more gentler for those who would rather be cluttered and "kind" and keep things that have no value to you.

I'll give 4 tips to get rid of or using unwanted gifts in a gracious way:

1. Be Discerning. Often a person who gave you a gift may not care if you want to exchange it or get rid of it altogether. 

Once I bought some cologne for my husband online without sampling it first but only going off reviews. Let me tell you (as you probably already know), that was dumb and stinky decision.  My husband swears he liked it and he wore it from time to time. I tried to nicely convince him he could get rid of it if he didn't like it.  He never did but when it ended up under the bathroom sink and not with his other collection of everyday smell-goods, I knew it was time to throw it away and I did it...for us. Phew! He didn't miss it but if it was up to him, he would still have it... 

2. Make if Useful.  I'm the type of person who doesn't like unnecessary waste.  If I feel something could be useful to someone else, as a gift giver it may sit better with me if I found out or was asked that my gift be given to someone who could really use it, versus being thrown in the trash or atrophied.  So bottom line is re-gifting to someone who could appreciate it more.  The gift giver may think more of that than keeping it as a dusty keepsake. 

3. Risk it. Okay so this will probably sound bad, but risk offending the gift-giver and express your displeasure for the gift with tack and graciousness . Or just simply thank them for the gift and get rid of it and if they ask you about it graciously explain why you didn't keep it. It's not easy but I'm coming from my digging deep lessons from Breneé Brown. Here is a quote from her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are : "Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen." What does that have to do with the ugly brown and green sweater Aunt Jules gave you? Well being authentic means that sometimes we just won't like something someone gives us. Don't be mean however. If the person is truly our friend or truly loves us their feelings might be slightly hurt but they'll get over it in time. It's better to be authentic and be forgiven than live a lie and hurt inside and add to our clutter problem in the process. Adding to someone's cluttered life isn't love. "Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely." was written by the Apostle Paul thousands of years ago is something that can benefit our lives today.

4. Re-purpose it. That too-big tee shirt from your parent's vacation could be used to sleep in or used to work around the house.  The mismatched china from your second cousin's estate could be used as decoration. You can always reuse or re purpose something.  That way you keep it and honor it without it turning into regret and a box of "something" in the closet, garage, basement, or corner.

Found on craftgawker.com

So be your authentic self and recognize when you'll never use a gift or be creative to make it fit your style or use.  Perhaps you can give it to someone who can use it more than you. Hoping it has a gift receipt and you can return it for something that will not turn into clutter in your life.

Want to use this blog post in blog or other content? No problem, just let us know and use the below statement verbatim:

Andrea Hancock is a professional organizer, blogger, and speaker that assists and empowers busy professionals and business owners create and maintain organizational systems that work for them personally.  Andrea is also founder of Dexterous Organizing, a results-oriented professional organizing company.  To receive free productivity and organizing tools, or to venture into a more organized home, office, and life, click "I'm ready to get started!" at www.DexterousOrganizing.com or by phone at (703) 606-8968. 

Confessions of An Organizer: My Organizational Challenges.

I think of being organized much like yoga or Pilates.  It takes practice and consistent effort, realizing that you won’t bend exactly the same way as your gym mate.  Your muscles have to learn how to move and get stronger to support how you twist and turn to achieve your goals.

Just because I’m an organizer doesn’t mean that I don’t have organizational goals and challenges, it means quite the opposite. I realize that no one is perfect (and the ones who have their life all labeled and color-coded make my left eye twitch uncontrollably). But it takes practice, consistent effort and making room for the situations that life brings our way.

I recognize my organizational limits and boundaries. I also know at what level of organization I feel comfortable. I create daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals that stretch my limits and boundaries. Sometimes it's not fun testing your own comfort levels. One day I may reach the all-labeled and color-coded status (sorry in advance for making your eye twitch) but for now I’m mostly labeled and not really color-coded. And for now, things are organized and uncluttered enough for me.

I can find what I need 90% of the time.  The other 10% I call sparkle. Sparkle is like when you get lost going somewhere but you find a wonderful frozen yogurt place that you didn't know was there but if you hadn't gotten lost you would have never known.  You can’t control everything, and for what you can’t control you can let go and let it flow.  Call it sparkle.

This picture was a sparkle moment:

I was supposed to be meeting a woman I met on OfferUp (similar to Craigslist) at the National Harbor who wanted to buy my hair dryer.  She was a no show but the sun was setting and we decided to get out of the car and take pictures.  I snagged this shot.  I would have never gotten it unless this lady didn’t meet me.  I decided to make the best of what could have been a total waste of time and gas. See, sparkle. :)

Anyway, I digress.

So you know my thought process around being organized and you realize that I’m still working on things myself.  Like: I will be paperless by 2015!

But this year I did pretty well in reaching my own organizational goals.  In fact, I did so well that one day I sat on the couch and I went through my brain for something I had to get done and I couldn't think of anything.  My receipts had been filed, my check register was caught up, there was a known tiny pile of paper I wanted to scan but it wasn't imperative.  Then the anxiety set in.  I have be forgetting something.  Something important. I ALWAYS have crap to catch up on.  Always.  That feeling of rushing around, being over-obligated, and time crunched and never having enough time in the day set it.

Could I actually sit here and read a book without a small voice telling me I wasn't being productive enough and I really should be {fill in the blank}?  Alas! The moment had come where I reaped the benefits of an important goal for 2014, that of saying NO to obligations that didn't serve what’s truly important to my life and over all goals and saying yes to all the things that are. Perhaps in that moment I had to acknowledge that all the practice and consistent effort paid off.  Then the anxiety slowly melted away and I enjoyed a few minutes on the sofa.

Recently I re-read/listened to the book The Gifts of Imperfection.  I think so far it’s one of the books I will re-read every so often to remind myself that the reason I get and attempt to stay organized isn't to impress my friends or family.  It isn't to allay the fear that one day my clients will knock on my door and demand to see the state of MY desk at any given moment.  But I realized organization in my life is to support my life and my business.  Sometimes my life gets hectic but when I put the most important things first, that’s all that matters.  I feel better about my day when I have my priorities in order. Filing can wait if it means there is a heart-to-heart to be had with my husband, the pile of business cards from a recent networking event can be done another day if it means I need to cook my family a healthy dinner, and although I agree that owning your own business takes sacrifice and some sleepless nights, I also believe that I can’t stay at 110% if I don’t get a good night’s rest on a regular basis. Exercise…let’s not forget about that (even though I had for almost 4 months).

Organization should support your life and goals, not take away from them.

Here’s my tips on getting to a point in your organizational practice that leaves you feeling supported:

1.  Ask YOURSELF: How organized do I want to be? Does my current way of doing things leave me feeling chaotic and uneasy?  Or do I feel I need to emulate someone in my life that seems to have it together all the time? If you answered yes to the latter question.  It’s time to dig deep as Breneé Brown would say. Be realistic.  You may realize that perfection for you may not look like a magazine cover or a Pinterest page.
2.  Create a plan of action to get as organized as you need to be.
3. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Sometimes if we create or regurgitate too many rules like “I can only touch a piece of paper once.” Or “I have to reach out to these people I met at a networking event within two business days.” Then we might find it paralyzing to ever move forward.  If you have to touch a piece of paper a second time to make a decision on it then DO IT. It surely isn't going to file, shred, or recycle itself sitting on your desk just because you already touched it.  And (my business consultant would probably disagree with me on this one) but if I waited a week and two days later to reach out to someone I met at a networking event, it surely beats the heck of me not doing it at all because I missed the two business day deadline. A little action gets more results then a lot of intention. Here's a Tweet: "A little action gets more results then a lot of intention"
4. Realize your weak spots. There are some things I’m not good at, and no matter how much I WANT to do them, I can’t either because of lack of desire, ability, or time.  I had to let go of my bookkeeping and a few other tasks that were simply holding me back from moving forward.  Figure out what you’re not good at and see if there is someone you can delegate to.  Stop being cheap.  There are tons of services that provide assistance from grocery shopping (Peapod), to cleaning (Homejoy & TaskRabbit) that are effective and affordable. Your return on investment will be tremendous. You can spend time making follow up calls, instead of reconciling your bank statement.
5. Get some accountability. A lot of our clients hire Dexterous Organizing 20% for the fabulous suggestions we give on creating organizing systems and how to store things but 80% for the accountability of actually doing it. Making decisions on what to keep and what not to keep and actually taking the not keep items away, and not going to watch Netflix instead of finishing an organizing project helps get it done and also help you see that it’s usually not as bad as it feels.

Getting organized is a journey. Don’t expect it to happen overnight, get some help if need be, take consistent action and then relax and enjoy a guilt-free moment on the couch when it all comes together.

Want to use this blog post in blog or other content? No problem, just let us know and use the below statement verbatim:

Andrea Hancock is a professional organizer, blogger, and speaker that assists and empowers busy professionals and business owners to create and maintain organizational systems that work for them personally.  Andrea is also Founder of Dexterous Organizing, a results-oriented professional organizing company.  To receive free productivity and organizing tools, or to venture into a more organized home, office, and life, click "I'm ready to get started!" at www.DexterousOrganizing.com or by phone at (703) 606-8968.